The Top 5 Worst Newscasters Ever April 25, 2008

There is little doubt that among many popular journalists and newscasters that grace the national television broadcasting corporations, there are a select few members of the fourth estate who forgo not only journalistic integrity, but human decency as well. Many seek to cover their own biases by hiding behind labels such as “Progressive” or “Traditionalist” and in doing so demand that we cannot be both. They are an insult to the audience’s ability to process information on their own. We have become so lazy that we rely on and trust people whom we do not know to interpret (and in most cases manufacture) the news for us.

Long since past are the days when Edward R. Murrow courageously stared down Senator McCarthy, when Dan Rather reported from within Mujahadeen strongholds in Afghanistan during the country’s Soviet occupation, or when Walter Cronkite managed to embody both the shock and willpower of the American people just minutes after the Kennedy assassination. The recent news that CBS, once the gold standard of television journalism, has been considering negotiations that would lead to outsourcing its news broadcasting to CNN is perhaps the final nail in the coffin. In honor of their memory, I present my list of the Top 5 Worst Newscasters Ever.

(EDIT: The allegations that CBS is outsourcing its news to CNN have not been confirmed by either party)

5. George Stephanopoulos (ABC News – This Week)

ABC has been shoddy ever since Peter Jennings passed away. Now ABC has George Stephanopoulos fronting the national news. However, for most of his career he has not defined by a lack of integrity, but an inability to define himself at all. The reason he is on the list is because of a recent debate between Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton he hosted with Charles Gibson. While the debate drew in a record audience for ABC, it was crammed with commercials and unsubstantial accusations directed towards Barack Obama. Issues discussed included Obama’s former pastor Reverend Wright, the fact that he knows William Ayers (a former member of the Weather Underground), and (I’m not making this up) an appearance he made several months ago when he was not wearing a flag lapel pin. Stephanopoulos lacks the kind of gusto that defined Peter Jennings and will forever prevent him from distinguishing himself as a newscaster.

Best line ever (to Senator Barack Obama): “Do you think Reverend Wright loves America as much as you do?”

4. Lou Dobbs (CNN – Lou Dobbs Tonight)

Every weekday evening between the Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer and Andersoon Cooper 360, CNN subjects us to a few hours of nonsensical ranting from one of the grumpiest men ever to grace the television airwaves. While I do not believe he willingly incites anti-Hispanic xenophobia, the effects of his class warfare/”pro-America, anti-everybody else” rhetoric are permeating and divisive. While he is best known as being a voice of opposition to American involvement in multinational councils, his summations often border on the absurd. Every time President Bush meets with President Calderon and Prime Minister Stephen Harper, the fictional North American Union rears its ugly head as a talking point. Dobbs is always encouraging his listeners to register as independent voters, apparently because he believes that the best way to fix a broken system is to retreat from it altogether. This self-described “champion of the middle class” makes upwards of $10 million a year and easily qualifies as number four of the Top 5 Worst Newscasters ever. By the way Lou, I like NAFTA. Now watch as I give you the cold Canadian-American shoulder.

Best line ever (In response to a comment made by Condoleezza’s Rice): “Not a single one of these cotton…[stammering]…these just ridiculous politicians should be the moderator on the issue of race.”

3. Keith Olbermann (MSNBC – Countdown With Keith Olbermann)

Liberalism in the media has a name, and that name is Keith Olbermann. While normally MSNBC ranks in the top tier of national news outlets, Countdown is little more than a pathetic attempt by the network to create a left wing version of the O’Reilly Factor. Recent antics include imitating Walter Cronkite by counting down the days since major combat operations ended in Iraq, imitating Edward R. Murrow by ending his broadcasts with “good night and good luck”, and imitating the fictional Howard Beale in a poorly done interpretation of his “Mad as Hell” speech from the film Network. Not only did he once depict Bill O’Reilly with a cardboard cut-out giving the Nazi salute, but he has included him sixty times in his “Worst Person In the World” countdown, which paradoxically changes with every new episode. Keith Olbermann is unoriginal and his juvenile antics will forever guarantee that his viewer audience share is less than 1/3 that of Bill O’Reilly.

Best line ever: “I’m not a liberal, I’m an American”

2. The Entire Fox News Morning Team (FOX News – Fox and Friends)

Stephen Colbert once described Fox News as a cartoon about the news. You can always count on Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade to provide the quality of newscasting one might expect from SpongeBob Squarepants, Scooby Doo, and Invader Zim. Starting off your mornings with the unholy trinity of Fox and Friends is an unhealthy way to live. Since 2007, they have been repeatedly claiming that Senator Barack Obama attended a Muslim school when he lived in Indonesia (he didn’t), which has not only been denied by Obama’s campaign, but was proven to be inaccurate by a CNN investigation. Most recently, Steve Doocy claimed to be offended by a comment Barack Obama made in a speech on race regarding Obama’s own grandmother’s prejudices towards African Americans. When Doocy asked if Brian Kilmeade would take offense at Obama calling him a “typical sports-guy” (as opposed to “a typical white person”), Kilmeade in a rare display of human frustration, walked off the set. If you enjoy shouting and unsubstantiated claims, Fox and Friends is for you. If not, than turn off the TV.

Best Line Ever:

Brian Kilmeade: “When you’re in an unscripted interview with sports guys sometimes you’re not measuring every word”

Steve Doocy: “If I said you’re a typical sports guy would you take offense at that?”

1. Tie: Bill O’Reilly (FOX News – The O’Reilly Factor) and Arianna Huffington and her fellow bloggers (The Huffington Post)

The number one spot was something of a no-brainer. Bill O’Reilly is a god to many, and a demon to many more. While Arianna Huffington does not occupy a spot on network news, her influence is just as pervasive. The reason that O’Reilly and Huffington share the number one spot of the Top 5 Worst Newscasters Ever is because they exemplify every single stereotype associated with the ideologies they so passionately defend. O’Reilly, the conservative, has been a passionate apologist of the Bush Administration since he first took office. He has often been lampooned by satirists, most notably Stephen Colbert who in many respects is a parody of O’Reilly. One of the more interesting segments of his show covered him taking a trip to Harlem to have lunch with Rev. Al Sharpton. O’Reilly was astonished to find that the restaurant they were at operated just like a white restaurant, saying (Note: this is O’Reilly’s best line ever) “There wasn’t one person in Sylvia’s who was screaming, ‘M-Fer, I want more iced tea”.

Arianna Huffington was a gubernatorial candidate several years ago during the California recall election which ultimately put Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Governor’s Mansion. She operates a well known blog known as the Huffington Post, which contains articles written by well known Americans on the political left such as Chris Dodd, Alan Dershowitz, John Zogby, and Robert Kennedy Jr. However, the blog has also become a stomping ground for people who exhibit everything that has held back the Democratic Party for the last thirty years. Contributors such as Bill Maher, Alec Baldwin, Larry David, and (I’m not making this up) George Clooney epitomize the false stereotypes of liberals in America as people who pay large sums of cash for coffee, drive hybrids around the 90210 but take a private jet to anything more than 100 miles away, and host rock concerts to raise awareness about popular causes, whether it be “saving” Africa or finding means to make poor people better. They ultimately keep pushing the silent majority of Americans to the right of the political spectrum because they have become deluded into thinking that everybody who presents an opinion different from their own is conservative and therefore shouldn’t be allowed to contribute to public debate. This is best exemplified by Arianna’s most recent article condemning CNN for hiring Tony Snow as a political consultant calling him an “unabashed propogandist” because of his conservative views.

Best Line Ever: “What is it with these media outlets? Have they been so cowed by the Right’s relentless branding of them as ‘liberal’ that they feel compelled to show they’re not sleeping with the enemy? And make no mistake, Rove, Kristol, and Snow are the enemies.”

O’Reilly and Huffington have polarized those voters whom are best connected with the media and current events by demanding that we take sides. He has called her a Nazi, and she has called him a man “who spews hate as readily as he breaths”, calling it “his lifeblood”. Their most recent petty tirade was over comments on each other’s websites posted by anonymous readers. O’Reilly’s contained posts threatening the life of Hillary Clinton while Huffington’s included sexually inappropriate comments directed towards Senator John McCain’s 23-year-old daughter Meghan. The conclusion of the matter is this: as long as we continue to empower these people they will keep continue to tear this country apart.

A Case Of Obamamania And Acute Clintonitis March 13, 2008

As of today, I have four of my five term papers completed so I now have time to focus on more important matters, like presidential politics (ha!).

With the Republican nomination all but wrapped up, the attention of the media and the voters has shifted to the race for the Democratic nomination for president of the United States. The fact that there was little doubt that the nominee of the party would either be a black man or a woman made this presidential nomination groundbreaking. However, what began as an historic race has spiraled into absurdity amidst an atmosphere of race baiting and race card playing. The very nature of the campaigns of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton is tearing the Democratic Party apart and giving the Republicans a shot at something that seemed just months ago to be an impossibility: holding the White House.

I should start with a disclaimer. I am not a Democrat, in fact I am a card-carrying member (minus the card) of the Republican Party. I am the only Republican in my family (among a Democrat, an Independent, and a Canadian Citizen) and I have been since I reached voting age in 2006. However, I would like to emphasize that I am of the North Eastern variety of Republicans (As opposed to the Texas, California, and seedless varieties). We believe that the government exists to preserve the liberties of the citizens while providing only that which the free market fails to supply. Likewise, what goes on in the home (unless the welfare of an individual is threatened) is not the government’s business. I also believe that though we should not shy away from the responsibilities characteristic of being the world’s only superpower, the best military is the one that never has to be used. The man who first made me want to be a Republican was Arizona Senator John McCain. In 2000 he ran a spirited campaign for the GOP presidential nomination against then Texas Governor George W. Bush. At a time when the economy was booming and our international reputation was unparalleled, McCain ran on a moderate platform based more on personality than ideology. He was the American hero once shot down over Vietnam, now vigorously fighting high spending and special interests, regardless of whether they took the form of greedy multi-billion dollar corporations or exploitative labor unions. His appeal to moderate Democrats and Independents propelled him to success in the New Hampshire and Michigan primaries, but caused him to suffer in the closed GOP primary in South Carolina. As we all know, Bush went on to secure the nomination and become President of the United States in the closest presidential election in American history. Now Republicans are hitting their heads against the wall for not nominating McCain eight years ago. I didn’t support him this election cycle partially because of his rhetoric on national security issues, but moreso because I didn’t think he had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting his party’s nomination. Now that McCain is in fact the party’s presumptive nominee, he has the difficult task of convincing America that he is qualified to be president, even after eight years of poor governing by the Bush Administration.

Thanks to recent events in the Democratic presidential race, it may not be as difficult as he thought. On the eve of the South Carolina Primary, Bill Clinton made a remark comparing Obama’s success in the South to that of Jesse Jackson. Just a few days ago, Geraldine Ferraro, who ran in 1984 as Walter Mondale’s Vice President against Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, made a comment saying that Obama would not be in his present position as the presumptive front runner for the nomination if he was a white man. She added that she never would have been on the ticket in ‘84 if she was not a woman. While all of the Republicans were silently thinking “no duh”, the Democrats and liberals in the media cried foul. Ferrara was accused of being racist by people within the Democratic Party, despite the fact that her whole life has been one committed to fighting for civil rights for women and minorities.

I like to think that I am an impartial observer to the Democratic race. Neither Obama nor Hillary have done much to convince me that they deserve my vote, so I really don’t care which one gets the nod of the party. However, what I have observed has been an absurd war of personalities between these two influential Senators and their surrogates that is causing those outside of the Democratic Party to wonder what the heck is going on. I find it ironic that whenever Obama makes a jab at Clinton, he is praised for taking a tough stand against the “establishment” but when Clinton’s campaign goes on the attack (3am phone call?) she gets tagged as being a neurotic, nagging woman. Never mind that Barack Obama’s pastor is a demented racist*. I am not arguing that one side is more guilty than the other, I am only saying that the nature of a political campaign that has been thoroughly castrated by the SS of political correctness will seizure whenever the fact that Barack Obama is black is even mentioned. Nobody doubted that Mitt Romney did well in the Mountain States because of their large Mormon populations. He won the state of Utah with 90% of the vote and we didn’t kid ourselves why. Barack Obama won 91% of the African American vote in Mississippi, which was an accurate reflection of states across the South where he has consistently held huge double digit leads over Clinton among black voters. Yet when a Clinton surrogate says that Barack Obama is doing well because he is black, nuts like Keith Olbermann and Jack Cafferty cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

My advice to the Democrats is this: Stick to the issues. You need your candidates to stay on message and escape from the polarizing scorched-earth stalemate that they are in. The Republicans knew full well that they could not possibly win on the status quo platform, which is why this November either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton will be campaigning against a man best known as a decorated war hero whose greatest life accomplishment was refusing to be returned home by the North Vietnamese Army until he was assured that his fellow POW’s would go with him. Let’s face it, John McCain is a lousy Senator. No matter how beautiful your family is (Obama) or how good you are at tearing up (Clinton), if you allow the campaign to be about personality rather than issues, John McCain will trump you every time.

One more piece of advice: Tell Michigan and Florida** to stick their delegates where the sun doesn’t shine.

End of rant.

-optional toaster

EDIT: *Barack Obama’s pastor has come under increasing media attention in the last 48 hours.

EDIT: **The Florida Democratic Party has since voted not to hold new elections. It will not contribute delegates to the convention.

Stuff That Old People Teach Us March 1, 2008

As young people we should never be ignorant to the lessons that we can learn from our elders. One of the lessons I was taught to live by as I grew up was to lead the kind of life that would give our grandparents confidence in our generation. While I know I’ve failed in more ways then I’ve succeeded, I hope that I’ve been giving the proper respect where it’s owed.

Over the summer I went to a 5th of July celebration in Carthage, NY with some friends from the my workplace. After a nighttime fireworks show, we went for a walk down one of the scenic streets. A few minutes later we approached a park bench where a well-dressed older gentleman was sitting. He asked if we enjoyed the firework show. We told him that we had and then proceeded to ask him why Carthage celebrates Independence Day on July 5th. Apparently it is to make sure that everybody who might be away is back in town to celebrate. It’s also nice to attract some people from the surrounding area, which we were a testament to since none of us are actually from Carthage. The man asked us to give him a bag of circles to which we responded that doing so is impossible (a circle is an idea, not an object). We asked him what he did for a living and he made us guess. Eventually we found out that he had studied at Villanova University and from that, correctly established that he was the priest at the local Catholic Church. What followed was a philosophical discussion about faith, love, and politics from the perspectives of a half dozen college students working at a Mennonite summer camp and a wise religious scholar whose life had been devoted to the service of God and his parish.

Last month my maternal grandfather passed away at the ripe age of 90. We knew it was coming for a while so we weren’t shocked. Since then my family has been going over his personal effects and as a result, I’ve gained a greater appreciation for what Tim Brokaw called “the greatest generation”. My grandfather grew up in Nova Scotia and attended Dalhousie University before receiving the Rhode Scholarship to study at Oxford. However, the year was 1939 and the war in Europe had just begun. Like many young men at the time, he put his education on hold to enlist in the RCAF. He was soon transferred to the Royal Air Force, flying on board a piston-engine PBY Catalina as a navigator in the African Theater. For those few terrifying years, Great Britain “the island fortress” stood alone as the last bastion against Nazi aggression. The efforts of him and thousands of other British and Commonwealth airmen meant that the fascists could never sleep easy or achieve their goal of total European conquest. Sir Winston Churchill stated in 1940 in reference to the RAF that, “never has so much been owed by so many to so few”.

We recently discovered some of his personal effects from both the war and his civilian life. For my birthday, my parents gave me a folder they had dug up which contained every article that my grandfather had cut out and filed from the New Yorker on President Lyndon Johnson from their Annals of Politics series. This is the Holy Grail for an American political history junkie. They also found numerous photos of my grandfather and the other men from his air crew.

I was usually shy to talk to my grandfather about his life. He clearly preferred to know more about what I was doing. I wish that I didn’t have regrets now, but if I said that I was satisfied with everything I allowed him to teach me, I would be lying. Still, the fact that he remained an enigma to me even up to his passing suggests something wonderful about his character. From the pieces of his life that I’ve recovered and am only now putting together, I have come to the conclusion that he was a man of humility, kindness, and frugality despite leading a very successful life in the business sector and his own home. My mother often recalls a story from her childhood when she and her parents were in the American South. At one point, they walked into a restaurant in order to enjoy a dinner together. Upon seeing a sign with the words “WHITE ONLY”, my grandfather politely stood up and walked out with his wife and daughter in tow. Such an act of protest says something about a man’s heart and should serve as an example to all people who desire to stand up against injustice.

On a more humorous note, I recently saw an episode of Mad TV with a character by the name of Mrs. Leona Campbell, played by the brilliant Stephnie [sic] Weir. Mrs. Campbell, clearly a woman outside her natural environment, points out the absurdity of young people through her unintentionally ironic questions and suggestions.

Mrs. Campbell asks the types of questions that we ought to ask ourselves. Do I really need an ipod? Do I really want to have another drink? Do I really need to check facebook every fifteen minutes or text message somebody that I will be talking to after class anyways? (The answers are all “no”). Let’s try to pick up where our grandparents left off. That way we’ll give our descendants something good and wholesome to write about.

-optionaltoaster

Ahem… February 28, 2008

*Taps Mic*

Umm… Hello? Is this thing on?

Good. Here I am. I have a half an hour before I need to leave so I am going to use this time to outline what purposes, goals, and aims (three words that mean the same thing) I have for this blog. I have had too much on mind in the last year and not enough time to verbalize it all. Usually when I start talking it is with purpose and conviction, though the former quite often gets trumped by the latter and I find myself in awkward situations where people are staring back at me or avoiding eye contact all together. Just yesterday I decided that I want to form a running club here at Queen’s University. This happened while I was walking to class and thinking about how poorly I had been paying attention to my physical well-being since graduating from high school. If you are a former runner you know exactly what I mean. As soon as you quit, you actually start to see your body physically change from a lean, low-BMI, carb burning string bean into a butternut squash. Nobody was around to here my idea so I resolved to go running that evening as a compromise.

However, telling somebody your ideas is often fruitless unless that person cares about what you have to say at that given moment in time, rather than crushing your dreams with some sort of rebuttal. When a monologue turns into a true dialog, we witness that which separates us from nature: the exchange of ideas for the betterment of the individuals. In those rare and sweet instances where a dialog turns into a discussion, you can see into the other person’s soul. Discussions usually occur unexpectedly and with the people we don’t try to hold close to our hearts, making them all the sweeter.

I was never the kind of person who did things for the sake of doing them. I don’t go to rallies, write poetry, or take my laptop into public places so people can see that I know how to type. I don’t pay money for other people to make my coffee or feel like I should be ashamed of my nationality. I have no desire to create a blog because it is hip or because it is expected of a white protestant middle-class American university student like myself. Instead I see the purpose of this as a conversation starter. I promise that I will not hide behind my LAN line. What you read here will be exactly who I am, what I believe, and what my convictions are (three phrases that mean the same thing!). The highest goal for educational institutions should be teaching people how to think, not what to think. Likewise, the purpose of a web log (a “blog” if you will) is not to be a means for discussion, because that is impossible. Rather it should provoke people to speak face to face. If I write something objectionable or noteworthy, confront me on it. This is how we make ourselves into better people. Disallowing ourselves to be numbed by the anonymity of the internet is a worthwhile goal. However, whether or not this leads to anything is up to me and you, but it’s worth my free time.

Thirty minutes are up. Time to go.

-optionaltoaster